Reality Check

In perusing my blog, I realized that I haven't actually updated you, gentle reader, on the goings-on of my actual life. This post is to remedy that.

My ignorance as to how many people actually read my blog causes me some trepidation. It used to be easy to write about intensely personal things. No one read my blog, except family. Now I feel I'm flinging my secrets to the far corners of the world, to the scoffs of potentially any English-speaker equipped with internet.

Well, no matter, here's the open book. My life, right here, right now, laid bare:

* Last week I started an online relationship. Ask me about it sometime.
* I'm studying French. Very soon I'll know all the Romance languages and then I'll, you know, really be able to talk to a girl.
* I've begun writing a novel about a young, narcoleptic man. I'm predicting it will be riveting.
* I starred in an amateur video this week. The choreography was stellar, in my opinion.
* I told my class last week that our goal is to find ultimate truth. Also, when they raise their hand, I acknowledge them by saying yo. It's Spanish, you know.
* I'm studying the universe. It's one of the biggest books I've ever read.
* Having witnessed flood, earthquake, and blizzard this year, I wonder when Charlton Heston is gonna show with his list of demands. Also, I drove against traffic on Interstate 495, deliberately.
* After going on a diet, I felt unhappy when I lost weight. Now I'm trying to gain it back through exercise and swearing off sugary desserts.
* I defended Glenn Beck, but I really dislike his favorite book.
* I cut a few hundred words out of my favorite Shakespearean play and felt a twinge of regret about every blessed one of them.


I promise the aforementioned items are true, albeit veiled and misleading.